Saturday, September 22, 2007

Adjusting My Lenses

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to someone who has been down the trisomy 18 road several years ago. As she was sharing her story, she told me that she had immediately realized that in order to get through this, it became absolutely vital that head knowledge become something much more real. How true that has been for me! Things that I have believed in my head up to this point now have to be swallowed and embraced much deeper inside of me. For example, it struck me the other night as we sang “Wherever He Leads I’ll Go” that that beautiful hymn has new meaning when I sing it than it ever has before. I believe that in the past there have been times when I have truly tried to think about those words and pray in my heart “Yes, Jesus, please help me to be willing to follow You wherever you lead, whether it is a path I want or something that I don’t.” The only thing is, until this point in my adult life, He hasn’t led me down a path that had more than a few pebbles to clutter the road—maybe a small rock or two at most—but certainly no boulders! Now when I sing those words, I know that I mean them. I know in a much deeper way that I can trust God to take care of me, even when the path He has led me to is much darker than I would have ever expected.

So, in many ways, it has been great to be able to take the truths I have known and actually experience them in a way that I’ve never had opportunity to do before. But, there is one area in particular that I feel like I’m really struggling to grasp and comprehend: Eternity. I remember at many instances in my life, from the time I was a little girl on up, trying to truly get my mind around the concept of heaven going on forever. Each time I have tried to grasp the idea of eternity, my mind falls so short that it almost leaves me with a feeling of terror. Not because I am scared of heaven, but because I am scared that I cannot comprehend in my mind what eternity really is. I can only see things as I see them here within the framework of time. My inadequacy to be able to grasp how temporal this life is makes me more afraid of the “bad” things that happen to me while I’m here. I’m frustrated because I know that if I could truly get it, if I could see time and circumstances as God sees them, then I would know with everything in me how the word “short” doesn’t even begin to describe the amount of time God has given me here. He asks us to live by faith for a fraction of time that cannot even be measured in the light of eternity.

Yet, I feel like even though I know that in my head, I can’t make myself believe it in my heart with a certainty that makes our current reality seem small in comparison. There is a song that says,

“Turn you eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.”

This is one of my prayers right now. I want God to reveal to me in a new way how the sorrows of this earth, while very real, are very, very short! If I can just see things through different lenses, then I think the reality of the pain and separation will not seem as overwhelming. Philippians 3 ends with a couple of verses I’ve really tried to absorb into my heart and mind. They say “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory…” With everything in me, I want to get this. I want to be able to glimpse my life with eyes focused on eternity.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing and reminding me to really trust God. This week I really needed the reminder. God bless you both as you travel this uncertain road. I am praying for you. Please email me if I can help you in any way.

Mandy Hopkins
GA
www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com

Laurin said...

Thank you, Angie, for this very encouraging and uplifting post. Today at church, the sermon was about different seasons in our lives and the purpose of those seasons. In Ecclesiastes 3, the Word declares that we, as mere mortals, cannot fathom all that God is doing in our seasons. How, then, do we face these seasons? Turning our eyes on Jesus, looking full into His wonderful face! Specifically, believing that we are not home yet...that eternity is close at hand, and can become very real to us, specifically in very difficult seasons. Your post continues to remind me of this Truth. What a blessing you are to me as you declare God's work and His Truth in your lives!

Missy said...

We came across your blog through the Farley's and wanted to thank you for sharing your journey. We are praying for you.

maggiemaeupdates said...

i linked you through copelands page which i got from an email. i just wanted you to know that i am praying for you and your sweet poppy joy...i am crying for you but rejoicing with you as you look to god for guidance..i will look forward to meeting poppy joy

Laurie said...

Angie, I pray that God meets you where you are right now and gives you the desire of your heart. As I and so many others along with you follow Copelands season unfolding now, I am reminded to pray for you constantly as December 10 draws near. May God continue to bless you and Nathan as you walk in the journey before you, trusting Him to work out His perfect plan for Poppy Joys life and yours. He has prepared you to be her parents and will guide you through. Peace and Joy in your hearts today and the days ahead.
Love from Laurie in Ca.

JMom said...

As I have been following the Farley's I have been praying for you. I have this mental picture of you watching them jump off the high jump and knowing you guys are next.
Praying you can keep your eyes focussed on Jesus, with the head and heart knowledge that although you may not know what the future holds, you do know WHO holds the future.

Brandi said...

Angie,

Times like these also remind me of the song:

It will be worth it all
When we see Jesus;
Life's trials will seem so small
When we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face
All sorrows will erase;
So bravely run the race,
Till we see Christ.

With that one name, Jesus, everything changes and something happens.

To know that we get to see Him...that all things will diminish in His light...WOW. The anticipation in my heart is almost unbearable.

Angie, thank you for reminding me of our Blessed Hope. I pray you will continue to be strong and of good courage...He is there.

As your Papa would say:
God is love. Jesus is wonderful.

Love,
Brandi Hayes

Anonymous said...

I just wanted you both to know that I am praying diligently for your precious family right now.

Household6 said...

Angie,

I found your blog in a crazy way. A friend from high school had Copeland's link on her website. I have been following along with their blog and clicked on the link for your blog. I was reading your blog and scrolled down and saw a picture of a man I recognized. I wasn't sure because, he was much younger when I was a little girl attending Bellevue! My Dad was on staff with Bellevue until I was four. We moved away and eventually settled in Louisville, KY. I remember going back to visit Dr. Rogers once when we were older and remember what a wonderful man he was. What a small world we live in!

Well, all that to say, I am praying for you and sweet Poppy. Though we have never met I'm guessing our parents have and they (my Mom and Dad) are praying for you as well.

Thinking of you.

Heather (Leppert) Spencer