Yesterday I received confirmation from my doctor that what he had feared was indeed true: our precious little girl, Poppy Joy, has a chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy 18 or Edward’s Syndrome. What this means is that she has an extra 18th chromosome, which consequently puts her little body at war with itself. She is, as the medical world deems her, “incompatible with life.”
It’s hard to put into words what you feel when you hear the news that, barring a miracle from God, your baby does not have a chance to live. Already we have experienced shock, grief, and such an intense sense of loss. I feel loss at the thought that I cannot joyfully tell people when little Poppy is due and enjoy each stage of pregnancy. I feel loss knowing that Marianna will not have a little sister close in age. Most of all, I feel the loss of knowing that Nathan and I will not be given the opportunity to raise this little girl and watch her grow up. That is definitely the hardest reality of all. But in the midst of that, we are so grateful to God that He has given her to us. We have been praying for a miracle since we received the news that the ultrasound results did not look good. I know with everything in me that God has heard every one of those prayers, and He is answering us with a miracle. I know that however long she is here, Poppy is a miracle.
Do we understand why this is happening? We don’t even begin to. Yet, even without the understanding, I know that Jesus chose to give her to us for a reason. It wasn’t a “freak” occurrence, but rather something that God wanted for us. That doesn’t mean I would have chosen it on my own, because it would have been the farthest thing I would have ever allowed. But there is great peace and joy in knowing that God has a plan for her that is beyond my human understanding. It has already occurred to me that she is going to be able to point people to Jesus in a way that a “normal” child never could, and that thought makes me so glad.
It is my hope that through this blog our friends, family, and anyone else who wants to be part of our journey will be able to better understand what we are feeling and thinking and know better how to pray. I know we can’t do it on our own, but maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe one of the biggest lessons Poppy will teach us is daily dependence on Him. As a precious friend told us last night, God just asks us to go in the strength we have. That’s what we plan to do each step of the way. Thank you for walking this road with us.