Tuesday, August 14, 2007

First thoughts

Yesterday I received confirmation from my doctor that what he had feared was indeed true: our precious little girl, Poppy Joy, has a chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy 18 or Edward’s Syndrome. What this means is that she has an extra 18th chromosome, which consequently puts her little body at war with itself. She is, as the medical world deems her, “incompatible with life.”

It’s hard to put into words what you feel when you hear the news that, barring a miracle from God, your baby does not have a chance to live. Already we have experienced shock, grief, and such an intense sense of loss. I feel loss at the thought that I cannot joyfully tell people when little Poppy is due and enjoy each stage of pregnancy. I feel loss knowing that Marianna will not have a little sister close in age. Most of all, I feel the loss of knowing that Nathan and I will not be given the opportunity to raise this little girl and watch her grow up. That is definitely the hardest reality of all. But in the midst of that, we are so grateful to God that He has given her to us. We have been praying for a miracle since we received the news that the ultrasound results did not look good. I know with everything in me that God has heard every one of those prayers, and He is answering us with a miracle. I know that however long she is here, Poppy is a miracle.

Do we understand why this is happening? We don’t even begin to. Yet, even without the understanding, I know that Jesus chose to give her to us for a reason. It wasn’t a “freak” occurrence, but rather something that God wanted for us. That doesn’t mean I would have chosen it on my own, because it would have been the farthest thing I would have ever allowed. But there is great peace and joy in knowing that God has a plan for her that is beyond my human understanding. It has already occurred to me that she is going to be able to point people to Jesus in a way that a “normal” child never could, and that thought makes me so glad.

It is my hope that through this blog our friends, family, and anyone else who wants to be part of our journey will be able to better understand what we are feeling and thinking and know better how to pray. I know we can’t do it on our own, but maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe one of the biggest lessons Poppy will teach us is daily dependence on Him. As a precious friend told us last night, God just asks us to go in the strength we have. That’s what we plan to do each step of the way. Thank you for walking this road with us.

22 comments:

Linda/Emme said...

You and Nathan have already shown evidence of God's grace for this time. I know that He will bring other people into your lives who will share from their experiences as you go through the months to come.
Poppy has a place in my heart that will be hers forever.
I love you all...

Jana said...

We already have a love for Poppy that is hers and hers alone. Thank you for allowing us to share this journey with you.

Laurin said...

I appreciate your sweet words, Angie! We are sharing this journey with you as much as we can: on our
knees and as your friends. We cherish each of you~Nathan, you, Marianna and Poppy.

leslianne said...

Again, I am so proud of you and nathan. I am so honored to have a glimpse into your heart about this hard time. You are a remarkable woman, ang. We are praying for a miracle and know that one has already occurred. It is the miracle of God's grace which is sustaining you. I love you dearly.

amanda said...

know that we are praying for you. i so admire your desire to share this journey with you.

Tracy Young said...

Angie & Nathan- know that you have people all over praying for you and your precious miracle Poppy. What a gift she is to this world and what a gift you are to her! I will continue to pray that you feel God's comfort everyday and that Poppy will continue to bless countless more lives.

Ashley said...

We are praying you and your family. May God shine through you during this time. Remember that God will never ever give you anything that you can not handle.

Ashley and Ricky Gipson

pate thomas said...

I am grateful to have received this website through Jana. What a hardship yall are having to carry, yet it sounds as if yall are doing it with great peace, knowing that all the miracles that occur from this are all for God's glory. I can only imagine how big the smile is on God's face as he looks down upon yall, pleased at your strength and desire to be a witness for Him. I will pray for you and your precious little Poppy, believing that by His stripes she is healed. Keep fighting!

Marti said...

Angie and Nathan,
Folks in Georgia are praying for you. Jana and I talked this weekend at a wedding. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have a 7 week old that was diagnosed with a deletion in chromosome 2 half way through her pregnancy. I noticed Jana's post mentioned a special love already. I felt the same thing--an intense love for our nephew Ben before we could even hold him and as we prayed so deeply for him.
There's so many things I want to write, can't begin to say it all.
It seems from these posts that you will experience the same amazing prayer support we did. Hope you have a little blessing each day. - Marti

Jennifer said...

I just wanted to let you know Angie that I am praying fo ryou and I know that we weren't great friends when we were at Bellevue together but just know that I experienced this same thing in Feb. 2005 and I just want you to know that if you need to talk I am here and I am definitely praying for you. You can just send me a message through facebook if you want to talk and I can send you my number. But also know that I have a healthy baby boy after having one with Edwards.

Emily said...

I found you through Conor & Boothe's blog about their sweet Copeland, which I found through Madeline Hopkins.. just so you know how I got here. :) I don't have words to heal your pain, I just want to offer my prayers from a heart that truly understands. My baby girl, Miller Grace, left us seven weeks ago tomorrow. God let us borrow her for five days, eight hours, and forty eight minutes. She didn't have Trisomy 18, but microcephaly and a variety of other things that haven't yet been given a name by geneticists. I wish neither of us knew this heartache, but if there is any comfort in knowing that someone has walked this road just a few steps before you, here it is. Don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything I can tell you, anything I can do for you, anything at all. God will not waste a hurt. When you wake up in the morning and your heart hits the floor all over again, try, just try to smile through your tears as you realize that God chose you and only you to be Poppy Joy's mommy.

Livona said...

Angie - We continue to pray for you & your entire family as you go through this journey. God is so much bigger than this & we pray HIs loving arms to surround you in His precious love. Livona Monday

Rachel said...

Jana fowarded this site to us (we know her through my husbands sister). Anyway, we are praying for your family through this difficult time and know God will give you the grace to get through each day. I wanted to let you know about a website of a dear friend whose son had Trisomy 18. God truly did amazing things through a little boy named Eliot who lived 99 days with the disease. I thought it might be an encouragement to you to read through someone's blog who understands what you are going through. It is www.ninetynineballoons.com. You will have to go to the archives section to read from the beginning. It is a powerful story of God's faithfulness in the midst of heartache. I hope it will minister to you just as it has so many others. I know you can email Matt and Ginny (the parents) as they love to talk to others who are going through something similar.

Rachel Norris

Macy said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and for letting us share this journey with you. What a testimony you and Nathan are to the peace only God can give. He is a great God. I recently read in one of my devotionals that in times of difficulty and sorrow we should glance at the problem and gaze upon Jesus. We pray you can keep your eyes on Him. We love you and we're praying for all of you. Macy & Shane

Tabitha said...

Angie, I wanted to let you know that Jamie and I and our friends at Longview Heights are praying for you as well. You are such an inspiration. Your strength amazes me, but I know it is because God is holding you in His hands right now. You are truly blessed. Thank you for sharing through this blog.

Jessica said...

Hi Angie and Nathan. Macy Cross sent me the link to your blog and has shared with me about your precious little girl. Billy and I will be praying for you! I know that this must be so difficult for you but I know that God will be faithful to carry you through it like only He can! Thanks for sharing your story! I pray that God will use this to bring many to Himself!

Anonymous said...

I am praying Psalm 3:3-5 for you through this time and pray that you will know the Lord in a way you could not have known if you had not gone through this. Your sweet spirit is such a blessing and I know God will use it greatly.
Linda Cole

Brandi said...

Angie and Nathan, Please know that we hope to help you through this experience in any way that we can. Angie, your sweet spirit is a testimony to me and to all who know you. You are such a strong person. I admire you so much because you are such an example of what God can do in our lives. This baby is already loved by so many people, and the Lord has a plan for her and you. We will be praying for all of you.

Grammy said...

My dearest Angie and Nathan,
Jesus is so near--cry out to Him for help. I've experienced His help and strength. Lean hard on Him each day. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He is "Jehovah Shammah," which means the LORD is is always there!
We will rejoice in each day that God allows her to live. PaPa and our little baby, Philip, will be waiting for her with open arms.
I love you dearly,
Grammy

Katie said...

I was forwarded your blog from a friend of Jana's. I just wanted to send you a message telling you your family and baby Poppy Joy are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Patra Mason said...

My dear Angie,
I remember almost eight years ago to the day you walked with me through my dark hour. You were always my touchstone in class and I will forever cherish that time.
I am here now to walk with you in whatever capacity you need me. I'm looking up at the wall at this moment and rereading "again" your mom's poem. Your precious Poppy is Joy through all your teardrops.
I love you and am praying for you with all my heart.

Amanda said...

Angie - I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and Nathan. Just by reading this blog, it is evident that your strength and faith in our Lord is so amazing and strong! You truly are an inspiration to me. love you and miss you!

Amanda Edge