Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Provision

This morning when Marianna woke up, instead of calling out her usual “Mommy, where are you?” I heard her little off key voice singing through the monitor. The sounds were too muffled to understand until I walked in her room and heard the four words that have become a refrain for her over the past few days. She was singing loud and clear “God is So Good.” Those four words are the only ones in the song she knows, but she has begun to sing them in various rhythms and tempos all throughout her day. She has known the words for several weeks, but she did not take to singing them on her own until just moments after the doctor called me Monday morning to give me the news. Through my tears, I sang those words with her until I felt like I had what it took to start making the phone calls nobody wanted to hear. I know that Marianna doesn’t have a clue about the words she is singing, but I also know that it is no coincidence that she has begun singing simple song over, say, “Old McDonald had a Farm,” which is an equal favorite of hers. To me, it has been God’s clearest and most beautiful reminder that He is indeed good, and He will never suffer me to be harmed.

In fact, in a time where circumstances seem to demand despair, I find that we are being pumped through with hope and peace everywhere we turn. Out of the woodworks it seems, people have come forward to share their love and support in so many wonderful ways. My amazing grandmother, the rock of our family, created a hand written collection of verses for us pertaining to encouragement in times of trouble. People who have experienced heartaches, both similar and unrelated, have shown us their deep and empathetic love. Many who I have never met, and likely never will on this earth, have taken the time to tell us that they are praying for us. My sister created a beautiful collection of verses, one for each day of the month, that I can pray and lift up in Poppy’s behalf. Perhaps best of all, God brought me encouragement in a most unlikely way through connecting me with someone who I can share “fellowship through suffering” as Paul says in Phillipians.

Each of these provisions has been perfectly timed to help me face what is next. Today when I went to my doctor’s appointment, I felt that all of the promises sustained me on what was the first of what I’m sure will be many very difficult visits. It’s not easy seeing the words “has chosen to keep pregnancy” scrawled on my chart, or to realize the simple routine things such as measuring my belly don’t really matter. It was hard to hear my doctor gently encourage me to begin considering what life-saving measures we will and will not allow the doctors to take if Poppy makes it to birth. But, while difficult, it was not defeating!

All of this has opened my eyes in a new way. It has caused me to be aware of suffering outside of my immediate sphere of relevance, and it has even given me a strong desire to be able to lift others up who are suffering, no matter what the cause. Jesus knows that we need each other for encouragement and love, and I can only think that He must be pleased to see how His children have reached out to love us. I hope I can do the same for many, many more people throughout my life.

3 comments:

jeweljannie said...

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jeweljannie said...

My Dearest Angie,
How my heart aches for you and Nathan! I wish that I could somehow shield you from suffering and take away your pain, but I cannot. Instead I must commit you into the hands of our loving Heavenly Father who loves you far more than I ever could
You have always brought joy and sunshine into my life, in times of sorrow as well as in times of great joy. But never have I been more proud of you than I am now. What a blessing you are to all those around you! Please know that as you and Nathan begin this journey which you would have never chosen to go on of your own free will, that you will not be alone. In those times when you don't think that you will be able to make it, Jesus Himself will put you on His shoulders and carry you. You are loved more than you will ever know, and the prayers that are being lifted up in your behalf are myriad.
I know that you are especially missing your Papa right now! He always had the ability to make everything seem like it was going to be okay. I know that He is praying his heart out for you right now, and that He is so proud of you. He will always be cheering you on, and so will I.
Just remember that the God who brought us through deep sorrow when you were just a little girl and proved HImself mighty to save, is the same God who will take every tear and turn it into a precious jewel . Be Strong and Take Courage. Do Not Fear nor be Dismayed! Weeping may endure for the night , but "Joy" comes in the morning. Love, Mom

Laurin said...

I read the above post and am reminded of the following passage in Deuteronomy 33...
Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields them all day long, and the ones the LORD loves rest between His shoulders...There is no one like the God of Nathan and Angie, Who rides on the heavens to help them and on the clouds in His majesty. The eternal God is your Refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms....Blessed are you, O Nathan and Angie! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord. He is your shield and your Helper and your glorious Sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places.