Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A book

I've felt compelled over the past few weeks to follow through with something I've been toying with for a while. I really feel like I need to write a book. Even if it's only for me, my family, and friends, I want to get down the story of Poppy right now, while it is still so fresh in my heart. I don't want to forget any of it, and I want to leave a record of what God did for us throughout the journey.

I still haven't settled on a name yet, and I welcome suggestions!! If you think of something, please, please share it with me. But for now, this is Chapter 1 of Poppies in December.

Chapter 1

The first thing I did was laugh. As I looked at the double pink line that indicated a baby was on the way, the irony of God’s sense of humor won the foremost top spot in my mind, with all of the typical things—shock, excitement, the urgent desire to tell my husband—following closely behind. Nathan and I were ready for baby number two, but I had publicly announced just months before that there was no way I was having a baby in December. My life was too busy to squeeze one more thing into those joyous 31 days of the Christmas season. But as my mind quickly counted ahead the months, I realized our little surprise was due to hit right in the middle of all of that wonderful holiday chaos on December 19th. And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

I loved it. I loved that God was giving me our second child in His timing, and letting me know without much subtlety that my plan wasn’t always His plan for my life. I suddenly loved that our baby was going to be born right in the middle of the most exciting month of the year. I loved that Marianna was going to have a baby sister or brother just one month after her second birthday. Everything about it was perfect.

With all of these wonderful thoughts and plans floating around in my head, how could I have guessed that my life was about to change forever? How could I have dreamed as I drove to Nathan’s office to tell him about the baby, that we were standing on the brink of the darkest valley of our life together? How could I have fathomed as the news of the second baby spread like a wild fire, that I would soon be sharing a very different and heart-wrenching sort of information? And how could I have imagined that God was about to take something as ugly and life shattering as a deadly disease and transform it into something more lovely than anything I’ve ever experienced?

The answer to each question is simply, I couldn’t. Life doesn’t often give warnings before the sky collapses on our heads. Instead, disaster and heartache strike with a suddenness that knocks the breath from our lungs and leaves us panting, staring up at the sky, questioning the kind of God who could allow something like that to happen. This is where I began my journey, on my knees, begging Jesus to deliver me.

From that moment on, He wrote the pages of this story and allowed them to unfold day by day. The story of Poppy Joy is really just the story of God’s unmatched love and faithfulness to me, as I struggled to hold on to Him when all of my other familiar gripping holds were suddenly out of my reach. He chose me to carry this child, equipped with no special endowment of faith or courage, to show me that it isn’t about my weakness. It’s about His strength.

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am going to enjoy this, Angie. I can't wait for you to continue. You are right; this is an important story to record.
love, connie

Lindse94 said...

Beautifully written! You have a real talent for capturing your feelings and sharing them with all of us. God Bless.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful! Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing it with us. You are a beautiful writer and I can't wait for the next chapter!!

erin said...

sweet baby girl! i am so glad you are telling her story. i will look forward to reading her legacy.

Jessica said...

I would buy it in a heartbeat! Beautifully written!
Love the new blog design too!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the sharing, you write so beautifully, we look forward to reading it.You do have a talent for writing.

Laurie said...

What a beautiful tribute to Poppy Joy, the little miracle that sure changed my heart too. This is so exciting as you wait for your new baby! I love the new blog design. A new design for new times as Spring is right around the corner. May God bless you abundantly as you enter this exciting time. It is a real pleasure and blessing to follow you guys.

Love you so much, Laurie in Ca.

Jessica said...

Beautiful! Thanks for sharing and I am looking forward to what lies ahead both in the book and the adoption!

BTW... you can go on blurb(dot)com and turn your blog into a book and I am pretty sure it is pretty inexpensive.

Love the new look, too!

Jaclyn said...

Angie,
I am so glad you are writing this, you are so gifted. I look forwarrd to reading on your blog and one day purchasing your book for my shelf!

Kenzie Stanfield said...

Angie-

This is just PERFECT! I was so excited when you told me you were going to write a book... I'm so thankful that you are chosing to share it as you go! Thank you for retelling this story, now looking back and how it somehow all fits together!

Love you so much and praying!
Kenzie

Connie said...

Beautifully written(you difinitely have a gift in writing). I see a best seller, maybe Oprah's book of the month. What an amazing way to spread God's love through Poppy's life story. Just think of all the lives Poppy has already touched and how many more she will change through you writing her story. May God inspire you throughout the writing of her life.

Jen in Al said...

Beautiful!!! This book will be a blessing to so many! Thank you for sharing it! Praying, jen in al

Anonymous said...

God has definitely blessed you with the talent for writing. Your story so far has touched my heart in a way I could have never imagined. I'll continue to pray that God uses you and this experience to touch others.

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Dear Angie,
I can't tell you how excited I am to read Poppy's story. You have a talent to write, and such an inspirational love and faith in God that it's sure to be a hit. And....like Kenzie - I love that we are being included as you go. Thank you.
I love love love your new Header on your blog page along with your new design.
And......I have to tell you I LOVE the title "Poppies in December" - when I read those words - that title.....I got tears in my eyes and chills..if that tells you anything!
I just love you and look forward to your new venture!!
Kim

Anonymous said...

Dear Angie,
I am so thrilled that you are writing a book about your sweet Poppy. You are a very talented writer. Best of Luck to you in this endeavor. I have been reading your blog for several months now and this is the first time I have commented. You will never know how much your faith has inspired and lifted me many, many times. Thank you for sharing your joy and heartache during Poppy's life and all of the things you have experienced since. I hope you don't have to wait too long for the new addition to your family through adoption. I am sure that God has someone very special in mind for you all. I too, have learned more and more to lean on God lately in my own life. After losing three babies to miscarriage our beautiful little Ella was born last June without both of her eyes. We have been experiencing our own joy and heartache as we strive to raise a blind child in the way that would make Him proud. If you would like, you can visit Ella's site at www.totsites.com/tot/ellaeliz. I am so thankful that I came across your blog and you all will continue to be in our prayers always. God Bless,
Jill in Ohio

Candace said...

Oh Angie what a great idea! You are such a gifted writer. I am so excited to read your book! If the first part is any indication of whats to come...I can't wait.

Brandi said...

Oh, Angie, I'm so excited about your book. I can't wait to read it! I'm continually amazed at your ability to find the right words to express your feelings. I love reading what you write. Oh, and I like your new blog design too.

Karen said...

Just beautiful!

Laurie said...

Hi Angie,

I woke up this morning thinking about your book and realized I forgot to tell you yesterday that "Poppies in December" sounded perfect to me. Usually the first inspired thing that comes to mind is what is right. You are the chosen one who carried her next to your heart to December and know her best.

Love you, Laurie in Ca.

Tammy said...

Angie,

That's really awesome that your friend Laurie said that about Poppies in December. This morning I was thinking about you and your book for some reason, and I thought, "she should title the book, Poppies in December..." Hmm...very interesting! Being a writer at heart myself, I am excited about your desire to write your story! There is something powerful about putting it in writing. I look forward to reading more!

Tammy

Just Me said...

I too, love the new layout! I believe I "happened upon" your story in December, so am looking forward to reading the parts of the story leading up to that time. I agree that "Poppies in December" sounds like a PERFECT title. Good luck with the "book writing". If it is anything like your "blog" writing, it will be FABULOUS! Thanks for planning to share it with everyone here :o)
Amanda

Anonymous said...

perfect first lines. you had me hooked from the first sentence. i am so looking forward to this. and im so glad you are writing a book- you are so gifted in this area. i love you.

Anna

Anonymous said...

Wow, you never cease to amaze me. This is wonderful. I have enjoyed your story so much. I found out about your situation through Andrea Powell, who was a member of our church. You are such a stong witness for the Lord. I wanted to share a magazine with you that has several items with Poppies. The magazine is Acacia and has a website acaciacatalog.com. Hope you enjoy.

So Blessed said...

This blesses me...
thank you.

With love and prayers....

Andrea Amu said...

I enjoyed reading your 1st chapter and I look forward to hearing the rest of Poppy Joy's story! What a wonderful tribute to her!

read2kds said...

I love it!!! You are such a great writer and I love that you are letting us read it too! I think the title "Poppies in December" is perfect. Looking forward to reading more.

Amy

The Adoption Of William said...

Wonderful! I cannot wait to hear more..hint hint!

With love and Hope,

William's Mom

www.specialneedsbaby.blogspot.com

The Phillips Family said...

I can hardly wait until it's in print. How phenomenal.

amanda said...

just beautiful! i am really and truly in suspense, not to hear how the story goes, but how you are going to tell it so beautifully!

Mandy said...

Oh, Angie, it's beautiful. I know your story, and it would be a read I could't put down.....I love the new page too. It's beautiful. Perfect.

The Sanchez Family said...

I stumbled upon your blog from another one and I have enjoyed sharing your family with you. This is going to be an amazing book and I can not wait until the next chapter! The title is perfect! Thank you for inspiring us all. God Bless

Hilary said...

Your blog looks great! You are such an awesome lady Angie! Your courage and strength impresses me to no end.

Laurie said...

Hi Angie,

Well, I think it is obvious what the title of your book should be. Follow your heart and go with the title He gave you. It is perfect in every way, just as Poppy Joy is. Praying for you and Nathan, Marianna and your new baby!! My heart is so full of joy for your family. May yours be full too.

Love you very much, Laurie in Ca.

Julie said...

That was written very well! Could it be that God will use your talents as a writer to help other families who are struggling with loss? It sure seems like a good possibility!

Devin said...

Angie,

Thank you for deciding to share your book with your fellow bloggers--many of us who love Poppy too--before it actually gets published!

So far, it is beautifully written. I can't wait to see what the next chapters hold!

Devin in Illinois

Alison said...

What a glorious beginning....

Ashley McWhorter said...

So beautiful. Praying for you and your sweet family!
Blessings- Ashley McWhorter (TX)

Mod Girl said...

Angie, this first chapter is beautiful -- as beautiful as little Poppy herself! I have prayed for your little family these months and I will look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing your heart and giving glory to God.

Mary said...

Angie,

I think you have your title for the book right at the top of your blog page -- "Seeing the World Through Different Eyes Because of Poppy Joy". I've been reading your words from the beginning and I know I certainly am seeing things through different eyes because of her through your words.

Thanks so much.

Mary
(from Nathan's office)

siscaboo said...

You write so well. I have been writing a book too about my son and yes, the hardest part is actually doing it. It brings back the emotions. It is like I am living it again. Each time I sit down to write. I always ask God to shine through me and give me the words.

I think that is the only way I am getting through it.

Good luck on retelling Poppy's story!

Anonymous said...

Hi! I was just browsing around and found your blog through Eve Janette's. I too am in the process of writing a story that I know needs to be told. I think it's a wonderful idea to write a book about your journey. The first chapter is really good, although from a "new author" perspective I would make this the prologue. Since happening upon all the "special baby" blogs I have been blessed to read about so many Christians who are handling such tragic circumstances in such Godly ways. It would be awesome to read your book someday.

-Melodie