There are times when I wish I could subscribe to the “risk-free” version of life. The place where everything is safe, where fear can’t nag, and where things fall in place exactly as I expected. It might not always be the best for character building, but it sure is comfortable!
Honestly, I was hoping to live in the risk-free zone in regards to this adoption. I knew it was possible that we could experience something that wasn’t clean cut, but I was hoping we wouldn’t. I was comfortable where I was—comfortable with my recent spiritual stretching, and not all that interested in being stretched to new lengths.
But while comfortable is a cushy place to be, it lacks any kind of permanence. It seems that just when I start to feel comfortable, the door is thrown open for God to come in and allow circumstances to change until I get uncomfortable enough to turn my focus completely, totally, and unwaveringly back to Him. In other words, it seems my comfort level is not always God’s priority for my life. Growing my faith is.
Right now we find ourselves in a position where risk is a very real element in pursuing this adoption. Moving forward means making ourselves vulnerable to hurt, and that scares me. In fact, there were several moments today where fear was right there with me, gripping my heart, stealing the joy and excitement I so desperately wanted to be feeling. I was digging in, trying so hard to avoid the chance of pain that I wasn’t asking God what it was that He wanted for me. Fear seems to cloud perspective faster than anything else. But gently God reminded me that He is bigger than my fear. He has a plan, even though it’s not the plan I had for myself.
For now, all I know is that tomorrow we will take Adrienne home with us. I trust God to take care of all the details that follow. I am excited because I believe that this is the little girl God has brought into our lives—the one we have prayed for and the one who has already taken part of our hearts. Loving can be dangerous, but as my mom reminded me yesterday of a quote from Hinds Feet, "to love is so lovely." I’m thankful that God is giving us this chance to take her home and love her. I read something from a book my grandmother brought by today. It says, “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.” I believe this. I believe that even though this place is outside of my realm of safety, God will keep me safe.
I am praying for God to give us joy and excitement tomorrow when we go to pick Adrienne up. I pray that He will teach us to lean totally on Him. I also pray for Adrienne’s birth mom. I don’t know her, but I love her through faith and I pray that God will meet her where and when she needs Him most.