Mother’s Day started early for me this year; Marianna woke up at 2:45 and I haven’t been back to sleep yet. For the second time in her life, absolutely nothing I could do helped her to settle down. Nathan even put a movie on in hopes that she would drift off once it started, but an hour later she was in our room, more upset than ever.
I admit that by the time 5:00 am rolled around and I was still awake with her, I wasn’t happy. I had anticipated that today might be hard, but I hadn't considered that the hard part would come in the form of Marianna in full blown hysterics. I asked her if she realized today was Mother’s Day and she was supposed to be nice to me. She responded with more tears. I would say that in my 2 ½ years of being a mom, I have not been as frustrated as I was between 4:58 to 5:03 this morning. I’m serious. I knew she was being irrational, and I thought it ironic that today of all days, when we can’t sleep in and she can’t take an early nap, and when I'm facing the first mother's day since Poppy, she chose to have a melt down.
I had already thrown down the gauntlet and told her she couldn’t sleep in bed with us, and when she refused to sleep on the floor, I was at the end of my frazzled rope. Thankfully, at that moment Nathan intervened and went to sleep in her tiny twin bed with her. They are still asleep as I type.
As soon as I walked out of Marianna’s room, listening to her deep breaths as she snuggled next to Nathan, trying to recover from the hysteria, my frustration evaporated. I was instantly humbled as I thought about the gift she is. The gift that being a mom is. I love her so much I don’t know how to put it into words.
I knew there was no chance of sleep after all of that, so I stayed up thinking. Mother’s Day is a day that means a lot of things to a lot of people. To some, it’s a day of appreciation and fun as they get to relax and enjoy time with family. To some, it’s a reminder of what has been lost. And still to others, it’s a painful symbol of what has never been, despite the longing in their hearts.
This morning I took being a mom for granted. I lost sight of the fact that it is the greatest privilege God has ever, and will ever give me. That wake up call is probably what I needed more than anything else today. I will never understand why God allows moms to hurt so much when their children are sick, when their children die, or when they long to have children and can’t, but I understand that the source of great pain is also the source of indescribable joy. Yes, opening your heart as a mom can be something that hurts more than anything else, yet God has chosen to give us children as His ultimate blessing. I am so grateful for that!
On this Mother’s Day, I want to praise God for the blessing He has poured out in my life through Marianna and Poppy, and I thank Him in advance the other child He will bring into our lives in a way that has not yet been revealed. I also want to ask you to join with me today in praying for those in your life who want to be a mom, and have not yet had the chance. Pray that God will pour out His blessing of children through conception, adoption, or any other way He chooses.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone I have met on this journey. I pray God blesses you richly today!