Wednesday, March 4, 2009

grapefruit and chocolate


This afternoon Marianna and I sat down to enjoy a delicious, perfectly ripe, not too sweet not too tart grapefruit. I've been a grapefruit fanatic for years, and it seems Marianna has inherited the preference. We were both stingy about our half of the grapefruit, eating every bit until there was nothing left but the peel. As I was savoring each spoonful I felt as if I was actually eating health, as if each bite was making me more resistant to every type of disease, while at the same time reducing the effects of aging and giving me energy. I was filled with thoughts about how the grapefruit might be the ultimate food, and I decided that nothing could compare to the pure, unadulterated pleasure of eating something that is so enjoyable and good for you at the same time. I was so in the moment that I decided I definitely needed to sit down and dedicate a post to this perfect fruit.

It was with these grapefruity thoughts swirling in my head that Marianna and I sat down on the couch to do some reading. A few minutes later I noticed she had a glob of chocolate on her finger, a tell tale sign that she had sneaked a chocolate easter egg candy from the bowl that I had on the counter. I thought I'd be silly, so I grabbed the guilty finger and licked off the chocolate. Then I processed the taste.

"Marianna, what's on your finger?"

"Poop."

From a grapefruit high to the ultimate low in under five minutes.

My mental scream sounded, "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!," as it sunk in that the most disgusting thing I have ever done as a parent had just happened. Of course hind sight is 20/20. Why did I think it would be funny to lick her finger? Looking back, especially with the current knowledge in hand, nothing about licking her finger, chocolate covered or not, seems like it could ever be funny. But I'm looking on the bright side. Today I have made a day that otherwise would have been indistinct and non-memorable, into a day that will live on immortally as long as this mind of mine is kicking.

I would like to end this confessional right here, but I realize some kind of explanation is necessary if (and I know that's a big if) there is an explanation for something like this. If you remember back to this post, I recently told Marianna she was no longer allowed to play with the magic foaming soap after I found her naked and lathered from head to foot. When I asked Marianna, "Why is there poop on your finger?!" she was quick to remind me of my ultimatum.

What can I say? You reap what you sow.

38 comments:

The Glenn Gang said...

My day all of the sudden got better! Nothing compares to that! You win! :-)

Carolyn said...

I check your blog from time to time but I rarely comment. Not sure why because I love it when people comment on mine (I guess that is rather selfish isn't it!).

You have to know how sorry I am for what happened to you but at the same time I thank you because I have been sitting here laughing SOOOO hard - a good laugh always brightens your day. I think because your writing had me completely going one direction and I was so shocked when I read what happened! Unbelievable!

I hope you can erase the memory from your mind and still enjoy the real taste of chocolate again without painful scars!

Megan said...

My comment when I read that was, "That's hilarious!" I'm so glad it happened to you rather than me. (Sorry). You can be sure I will be careful what I lick off my daughter's finger in the future! Thanks for the story/warning.

Anonymous said...

Angie - that was so funny I actually called my husband and read it to him. Like he said "brown is not always chocolate". I have alot happen over the years, I've been peed and pooped on but never had it in my mouth. Your blunder sure has made for a good laugh and I'm so glad you really do see the humor. Praise the Lord for Listerine! Livona

shannon said...

I laughed out loud. Thanks, I needed that today.

Brandi said...

Oh Angie! That is so gross. And hilarious.

julie said...

WOW, thats gross!!!

Rebecca said...

O.k., I know it's not funny. But that was FUNNY! :)

Emily said...

Ewwwwwww! But hilarious at the same time! I'm glad you can laugh about it too!

Who is naebyrd/ rna? said...

ewe!

Anonymous said...

Finger licking is it ,sorry just so funny !!!!!!

leslianne said...

this has got to be the most hilarious, horrible thing that i have ever heard. i love you so much!

Jana said...

that might be the funniest and most disgusting thing I have ever heard. . .

asplashofsunshine said...

Even I have a gross taste in my mouth, just from the thought of it. Although the smile on my face is much bigger. That is absolutely hilarious!!!!

beccad said...

Oh no Angie that is so gross and hilarious all in one. You need to join in on the "Not Me Monday" blog carnival over at www.mycharmingkids.net That would be a great mommy moment to tell everyone about.

Kenzie said...

Angie-
Seriously... I can't stop laughing! I'm laughing so hard that Dusty had to pause Idol and say "What are you DOING??"... That is absolutely hilarious. I'm so sorry, but you totally take the cake... you are such a great mama!

Love you!
Kenzie

Cristi said...

Ooookayyyyy! Yall should stick to playing in the snow!

Just Me said...

Oh no! That is terrible...but "unfortunately" you are a really good storyteller...my mouth was watering from the grapefruit description and then BAM! totally caught off-guard (as I'm guessing you were too!) Thanks for taking my mouth on the ride right along with you...yuck! So sorry that happened...but it is now documented for you to share with Marianna when she is older :o)

I bet you washed your OWN mouth out with soap!
Take care,
Amanda

Cathy Meister Melton said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS! Well, now you can check that off the list of things to do...Gross! LOL!

mythoughtsonthat said...

Oh.My.Goodness!!

Shannon said...

Hahaha...I am laughing out loud at that. I have a feeling I will have a "mommy" moment like that one day, and when I do, I will think about this

Tonia said...

LOL - OH MY GOSH. That is SO yucky. I am so sorry you licked poop!! You poor thing. Marianna is such a quick wit!!

Melody said...

This post has me laughing! How funny, and yet gross...thanks for sharing such a silly story, that will definitely stick in your memory!!

Anonymous said...

I love to hear that other moms have some pretty disgusting experiences also! Never thought that poop and pee would be such prevalent issues in my life!

Christy said...

Oh my stomach hurts, the tears are streaming...thank you, thank you, thank you for the absolute laugh.

I'm so sorry you had to go through something so utterly disgusting, but still....

God Bless you and oh my!

Emily said...

Oh Angie. I have laughed until I have cried. ;)

It's Just Katie! said...

I've just pee'd my pants! Oh how I remember when. Although it wasn't his it was the dogs! My kinda reads. I shall return! Take care of you and all that that goes on in your Everyday!
Katie

CntryMomma said...

That is wonderfully disgusting! LOL

LORI

Shannon said...

What a trip... you gotta start smelling those precious little fingers before you lick them... eeeewww!!! I totally thought you were going to say something about the combination of grapefruit and chocolate being a suprisingly great mix. How's that for a story to get the comments rolling in... Hmmm... I have had one of mine spit up in my mouth and it ran down my shirt, puddled in my bra, and dripped to my belly button. My son pee-ed up my nose once during a diaper change.... BUT YOU WIN... I have never tasted their poop!

read2kds said...

Oh. my. goodness. I think you have made this a day NONE of us will ever forget. I am pretty sure any person who reads this will never lick anything off their child's finger ever again :-) Bless you! Thanks for the moment of horror and then hysterical laughing over how every day of being a mom had the potential of something COMPLETELY unexpected.

Amy in NC

Heather K said...

AHHHHH!!! How Gross!! That is the funniest thing I have ever read. Ok, probably wouldn't have been funny if I had done it....but since it was someone else...I LAUGHED OUT LOUD...Literally!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for oversharing!!! chocolate will never be the same one lick to do the trick!!

Rhondi said...

I almost just vomited & then started laughing. Hard.

Anonymous said...

How could you possibly not know the difference? And why would you share this with the world?

Anonymous said...

You should definitely enter this into the contest that the new tv show (in the motherhood) abc is doing. I think you just go to the abc website and find the show "in the motherhood".

Angie said...

everybody definitely had me laughing through these comments, but maybe none as much as the anonymous commenter who seemed rather offended that I would share this shameful moment in my parenting existence. i have got to say, that thought has certainly crossed my mind as well. i guess i'm trying not to take myself too seriously, so i thought, why not? but if it was just too gross, i really do apologize =)

Karen said...

Oh my goodness!!!!!! I absolutely can see myself licking the chocolate finger. It would be just like my kids to 'save' that last morsel, so for me to take it would be quite comical to me. You may have just saved me from something very terrible!!

connie said...

Oh, ANGIE! I'm home sick, and so thought I'd take a little time to catch up here. Am I glad I did!

All I'm wondering, now, is what went through Marianna's mind, when Mommy licked her finger - especially with her already KNOWING what she had. What a funny post!