Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I'm curious

This is a post on babies! And no, we are not having one. But I have raised two, and several people I'm close to, including my sister, are just about to have their first. So that's had my mind running on the baby track more than usual, and what my musings have deducted is that there is a huge spectrum of thought on how to do things right, especially in the first few months. It seems to me that parenting styles vary the most drastically during that period, as people choose what path they will take in mothering their little ones. I've lived long enough to know that there isn't one right way! Goodness, if there was, this parenting thing would be quite a bit simpler than it is.

But I am curious. I love to hear about how different people do things and how it works for them. I also like to hear who did what they did and enjoyed the experience. That's the real fountain of El Dorado as far as I'm concerned! So here's a little quiz. I'm going to take the responses and very un-scientifically see if there is any kind of consensus on any of the following issues:

1. Do you abide by a strict feeding schedule, or do you believe in a feed on demand philosophy?

2. At what age do you put your baby in the nursery for the first time?

3. What is your philosophy on germs? Can anyone hold the baby? Do pacifiers get boiled?

4. Do you adhere to a parenting model that you've researched and read about, or do you go by instincts?

5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one?

6. Did any of the first 5 change after your first child?

7. If you could use one word to describe the first 3 months, what would it be?

Okay, there it is. Answer any or all, and you don't have to answer in any particular order. Remember, this is very un-scientific! I just want to hear from you and see what you are doing, or did, or plan to do in the future.


Karen said...

I pregnant with my fourth. The biggest thing is that I changed SO, SO much between the first and second. The first was colicy, so I fed on a pretty strict schedule, because if I fed each time he cried, he would have been eating all day. The second fed on a semi schedule, but I was able to fudge with it if she seemed to need it. Nap schedules have been followed for all of them though.

The first one slept with us out of necessity. (COLIC!!) The second slept in her crib the first day home. The third slept in bassinet in my room until two months, then to her room.

Anyone that is not sick can hold the baby after they wash their hands and dry with a paper towel, not a towel that everybody dried on and my three year old wiped her nose on. Sickness with an infant can be very serious. My first went to the hospital at seven weeks old because he had a fever.

Discipline. Changed completely. I've relaxed a lot. That's a good thing.

I'm a lot less uptight now.

The first three months:
can vary greatly with each child. My second was WONDERFUL.
My first was a NIGHTMARE for 5 1/2 months.
My third was ROUGH for two months.

This next one will likely be different from all the others. I am enjoying being a parent more, in a lot of ways. But I do miss that look thay first-time moms have. You can't get that back. It's that deer in headlights, naive bliss.

AJU5's Mom said...

1. We fed on demand. I would make her "wait" if it hadn't been an hour some times, but we definitely weren't on a strict schedule.
2. Our church doesn't have a true nursery because there are only two other kids of nursery age in our church...
3. We were a little careful with the holding until she was off oxygen (about 3 weeks old). After that, we let most people we knew hold her. Pacifiers got rinsed off at an early age, but that stopped eventually too.
4. Haven't done much research at all! So, I guess that would be instincts!
5. I guess we are fairly laid back. We just take things as they come!
6. Number 2 is not here yet....
7. First Three MOnths: hmm.. adjusting maybe...

Anonymous said...

1. feed on schedule or at least try, but sometimes feeding on demand is what was called for.
2. 2 days fresh out of the hopsital, both my children slept in there nursery, I didn't want to start something that I would have to stop
3. wash, wash, wash, if you're sick don't even think about coming around
4. instincts work the best
5. laid back, uptight when it came to germs
6. much more laid back with second child, I wasn't so scared to try different things
7. rewarding!

To all you first time moms, enjoy!

Brenda (Mom of a 6 and 2 year old)

my3sons said...

I have 3 sons; ages 8,6, and 2.
My first was the most "protected" with germs, schedules etc.
I learned with the next 2 that I didn't have to be quite so strict about some things. I have always fed on demand when they were newborns. Then they just put themselves on a schedule of feeding about every 3 hours or so.
All 3 spent their first 3 months or so in our room in a co sleeper. Around that time they went into a crib in the nursery. I also had a video monitor so I could see them and know that they were ok.
Regarding germs, I was a bit of a freak with my first child. I would be very careful of who held him, wiping grocery carts etc. But he was the sickest of my three as far as head colds went. I lightened up with the last 2 and they have been much healthier for it. It was hard for me since I am a a germ-a-phobe! But they are fine with not wiping everything. None of them took a pacifier, so I don't know about that one!
I think I have gotten much more laid back the older they get and the older I get. There just isn't the time or energy for some of it. Safety is always first though....but the little things tend to get blown off.
I wish I could have been more relaxed and worried less with the first child. I think it just comes with all of it being new and being inexperienced. The last two were more enjoyable because it all just came easier. But harder when you have other children to care for also! Phew! I hope this helps. All in all I love being a mom and treasure my boys! If I were younger (I'm 39, hubby is 45) I would want more! But not happening now! Katie

milehighmom said...

I have 5 biological kiddos, ages 10,8,6,4 and 3 and we are thinking of adopting now. To answer the questions....
1. I nursed them all and always went on demand feeding. I'm not a schedule kinda girl.
2. All of the kids slept in our room in the bassinet by our bed for at least the first 3 months or more. It was much easier to lean over and get them when nursing than walk down to the nursery.
3. I relaxed more with each one, but even with my first I was pretty relaxed on the germ issue. My second had RSV so we were a little more cautious with him, but I think they build up a better immunity if you expose them. (just my opinion) Plus, with other kids in preschool, etc., they are gonna be exposed anyway. My fifth was born on Wednesday night and she was at church on Sunday morning being passed around! And she is healthy as a horse!
4. Instincts, totally!
5. Pretty laid back.
6. It has to change....the first one I would stay home if he was napping, etc. The more you have, the more you and they have to adapt.....if it's time to pick up the older ones from school and the younger one is napping....sorry but you have to wake them! They survive! :)
7. One word....exhausted!

First time motherhood is such a special experience....treasure it!

Stephanie said...

Isn't it funny how us moms just love to chime in on these good conversations about our parenting methods!! =) It seems I have become a long time silent reader of your blog to now an avid commentor, haha.

I am pregnant with our third and have kept a friends baby since he was 5 months. Also seeing my siblings raise my seven (so far) neices and nephews I have gotten to see lots of parenting styles.

My big thing is I LOVE the middle of the road! I like to think of myself as strict with flexibility.

1. I am a proponent of a feeding schedule. I have never been an on demand feeder- as a general rule I kept a feeding schedule, but if it seemed my baby was hungry thirty minutes early, I would be okay bending the schedule some. We just have to remember babies cry, it doesn't always mean they are hungry and using food to pacify them all the time is not a healthy thing. I was a little more lax about nap schedules, I think its easier to let them fall into a nap pattern on their own.

2. My 1st was in the nursery right next to our room pretty much from day one. My second was in our room longer, but in a pack'n'play. I am not a fan of regular basis cosleeping simply because I think it is a hard habit to break and can be bad for a marriage. My sister and her husband with a four year old and six year old are still having to sleep in seperate beds. This doesn't mean I never brought my kids into bed to snuggle or in desperation let them sleep in their for a while, I just never let it become routine.

3. Germs. Who likes them? Not I! But even now as I take my kids to the grocery store and let them ride in the germ infested car buggies, I just have to no think about it and know they will survive. When they are brand new it's somewhat different, but I had both mine in the church nursery by six weeks. The way I see it, germs are unavoidable period and they need them some to build up their immune systems! I loved for people to hold my little one, but of course appreciated them washing hands first. At first, pacifiers were boiled, then rinsed under water, now in desperate measures sticking it in your own mouth to wipe it off will do the trick. Haha. Life's too short to worry about something so out of your control.

4. Getting advice from books etc, is great, but ultimately you have to use your God given instinct. Using researched knowledge and your instinct together are the key. I am a "cry it out" mom. But sometimes my instinct just said- just go rock them! So I would!

5. I would definitly not say I am uptight, but I am a somewhat strict. This doesn't so much apply with newborns but my kids being now toddlers- I am very big on discipline. Being a young mom, I am all about fun- but not at the cost of respecting others, their things, or our own things!

5. All children are definitely different and different things work and don't work for them , so yes, I believe things change, but keeping some standard ground rules for yourself across the board can be a good thing.

6. 1st 3 months-2 words- survival mode. Again, I like schedules and some guidelines, BUT I also agree that in the 1st few months of life, you can't form habits that are not breakable- and do what is going to keep yourself and your baby the most sane =) Most importantly drink it up and enjoy it because it goes entirely to quickly and is gone for good!
As a first time mom I rushed everything- always anxious for the next exciting stage- now I know better =)

Wow! I like how my comment is longer than a post in itself! Sorry!

Danielle said...

1. feed on demand, generally.

2. With both my kids, there wasn't a specific age - it was pretty much as soon as they didn't want to sleep through the church service and it became a distraction to have them in with us, and were able to sit up/crawl (usually around 6-7 months).

3. Germs are good for kids! I realize some kids are prone to sickness, but mine are rarely sick and so I encourage their immune systems by not freaking out over germs. I figure so long as I wash their hands after being in strange places, we're good. But to try to protect them from all the germs out in the world? Unrealistic, INMHO. :-) Anyone can hold my babies, unless they have a cold or other sickness. I usually just ask them to avoid touching the face if they haven't washed their hands (like if we're at church and the bathroom is miles off and they just want to cuddle the baby for a bit). Pacifiers get boiled every once in a while, not every time they fall on the floor - more to just clean them up every few days.

4. I use my mom's example a lot, and then what I experienced as an older sister and babysitter to help guide my decisions. I also read books when I can - not ones that tell you exactly how to raise your kids, but ones like Dr. Dobson's that illuminate child training issues and provide guidance. That way I still think for myself and am challenged to use my instincts along with research. Besides - each baby/kid is different!!

5. As you can probably tell by now, I'm rather laid back with my babies. The only thing I don't waver on is discipline - and by that I mean a simple "yes is yes and no is no". I stick with what I say, and my kids know certain things are expected, like a polite response when I ask them to do something. But in return, I allow them to do a lot of things and we have a lot of fun together because I believe a baby is often much happier when the parents are relaxed and easygoing, and kids are much more compliant when you don't just expect them to obey you, but to interact with you and have fun with you. Not to mention, my kids always are encouraged to visit grandparents, and I feel totally safe leaving my babies overnight with my parents/in-laws to give myself a break.

6. Speaking of, I always was the recipient (still am) of comments like, "you're so easygoing with your kids!" Or, "I'd never be able to leave my baby overnight at 4 months!". Things haven't changed much at all since my first (my third is on the way), and thus far I'm really glad I was relaxed from the beginning - it took a lot of stress out of first-time parenting. Sure, I have to tell myself to relax a lot of the time (I'm naturally a pretty go-go-go person), but it is worth it.

7. Sleepy. Some things are still the same with babies, regardless of parenting style - babies still wake up ever couple hours, and parents just don't get enough sleep! But my husband is supportive and always gets up to get the babies when they wake up, so there's a lot less feeling like I'm alone in the endeavor - and it makes the sleepy days a lot better.

What about you??

Danielle said...

Haha, I just noticed everyone had a different interpretation of your second question! I took it the church nursery route (probably because we didn't have a true "nursery" for our first baby - she shared a room with the office :-)!

If you meant putting baby in their nursery at home, it's usually about 3-4 months when they go from a bassinet next to my bed to their crib. It's arbitrary, but generally once the feedings are spacing out a little and I'm not so much of a postpartum zombie.

Care to clarify? :-)

our family said...

I am about to have my third girl in June. My oldest two girls (Rose-4 and Pearl-2) have very different personalities that were very evident even as a newborns.

1. I nursed both of my girls and sort of take the middle of the road with the feeding schedule. If they are hungry I would not make them wait until the scheduled time however if they are asleep and it is in the evening (not my bedtime yet) I will wake them to eat so they can get enough food in before I go to bed so we won't wake up as much during the night.

2. Depends on if you are talking about nursery as in church nursery or in their own room. In their own room about 4-6 weeks with my first and we both slept much better when she was no longer in our room. With my second 8 weeks as I waited until we were moving out of our two bedroom house the only other option was to out her in with her two year old sister and I would rather have only one child awake in the middle of the night then two. This time I am hoping to put her n her own room around 3 maybe 4 weeks maybe even earlier. Her room is right next tours and I am a very light sleeper so I will still hear her if she cries maybe I will be able to sleep through the newborn grunts and squeeks.

As for the church nursery as long as they are quiet in church I don't see why not keep them with you. Both of my girls loved to coo and babble and went to the nursery around four months. With my second I realized how wonderful it was to just sit and hold her in church because at home I only held her when there was a reason (feeding, burping, crying etc.)

3. What is your philosophy on germs? I take them out pretty early. My second was out at three days old to outside places mostly, but I keep them in the carrier and away from strangers touching them. Can anyone hold the baby? Friends and family if they wash their hands first and do not have a cold etc. Do pacifiers get boiled? I used the microwave steam sterilizer

4. Do you adhere to a parenting model that you've researched and read about, or do you go by instincts? Instincts for the first few months or year. I have found the importance of reading Christian parenting books (Shepherding a Child's Heart, Dr. Dobson books etc.) as my children get older.

5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one? Laid back I would say.

6. Did any of the first 5 change after your first child? Some as mentioned because my second was much more demanding then my first.

7. If you could use one word to describe the first 3 months, what would it be? Tired but it goes by to fast. I love newborns.

Michelle said...

1. Fed on demand
2. My 2 slept in a bassinet until 2 months and then in their crib in their nursery. They both went in the church nursery at about 8months.
3. My 1st was a preemie so I was more concerned (and it being my 1st). My second was more relaxed as to who held her, what got cleaned etc. :)
4. Instincts.
5. I think I am in the middle. I love for them to experience new things however I am big on getting naps, not eating sugar 24/7, etc.
6. Yes, things change. I was much more obcessive about the 1st baby always matching, bottle tops and bottoms matched etc. 2nd one looks cute and is fed but it is done differently than the 1st! :)
7. A blur. A nursing mother never sleeps.
I love reading the responses so I figured I would chime in! Nice post!

Susie said...

1. Do you abide by a strict feeding schedule, or do you believe in a feed on demand philosophy?

I did on demand feeding with Oceana and it drove me crazy. Joshua I fed when I thought about it, or about every 3 hours (he didn't cry, so I had no feeding cues). This baby will be more scheduled simply to keep me sane. Oceana could nurse ALL day if I let her and I was exhausted for no good reason.

2. At what age do you put your baby in the nursery for the first time?

We were in a small church when she was little, but we started sending her to Sunday School around 9m-12m if there was a teenager helping out that wanted to play w/ her. (Sunday school had probably 10 kids at most).

3. What is your philosophy on germs? Can anyone hold the baby? Do pacifiers get boiled?

Germs are good for immunities. I asked people to wash their hands or use antibacterial hand gel for the first few months. Then she got a little older and started eating dirt and I gave up. We rinsed pacifiers, or sucked on them myself and popped them back in. But she wasn't big on pacifiers.

4. Do you adhere to a parenting model that you've researched and read about, or do you go by instincts?

Went by instincts. I've never read a parenting book. I trust my friends and family more than I do a book. If I have a question, I check with my friends about what worked for them or with my mother.

5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one?

Laid back.

6. Did any of the first 5 change after your first child?

The feeding for sure. I was still on demand 6-7x a day at 13 months when I discovered I was pregnant with Joshua. I was exhausted and it took 3 months to wean Oceana because she wasn't scheduled at all.

7. If you could use one word to describe the first 3 months, what would it be?

Establishing (routine, bonds, etc)

Susie said...

Just realized some people referred to nursery as Sunday School and some as the baby's room. In regards to sleeping.... Oceana was in our room until she was 12 months old. This was out of necessity, as we didn't have a room for her elsewhere. This is part of the reason she was fed on demand, as we could never ignore her crying. We coslept a lot (something I didn't like because it scared me, but I did out of desperation for sleep). When she'd wake up in the night I'd pull her in bed to feed and fall asleep by accident. This time around I have a nursing chair IN our room so I can easily put her in her bed when I'm done feeding. Before I had to go out to the cold living room to feed her, now I can just sit down next to the bassinet. Bassinet will be in our room until she's sleeping through the night enough that she doesn't wake Oceana, as they'll have to share a room.

Brandi said...

Hey Ang,
I fed on demand, but as my boys got older, I tried to stretch it out into a 3-4 hour schedule.
I waited until my boys had their first set of shots (at 8 weeks) to put them in the nursery.
Well, for my first child, I was a germ Nazi and I cringed when someone would hold him without washing his or her hands. The pacifiers got boiled often, and I was pretty uptight. By the time he was a year old, I relaxed a lot. Now I don’t really worry about germs, pacifier-boiling, etc.
One word—miraculous.

Jessica said...

1. Strict feeding schedule. I was trying to do Babywise by week 1 and my mother had to remind me that even the book says "don't look at the book until the baby has gotten used to nursing." I HATED nursing at first but finally at 10 weeks got the hang of it. It really helped me to have a little sanity (and sleep) to be able to know exactly when she was hungry.

2. I think it was around 2 months w/ both. After they'd had their first round of shots. Both were born after most of the crud was gone, so I felt like they were pretty safe. My 1st child's first day at church was one week after she was born. She just stayed in her carseat or Daddy's arms and listened to your sweet Papa preach :)

3. I am pretty laid back about the whole germ thing. I just try to keep them as clean as I can. We let everyone hold them, and when possible gave them some antibacterial stuff for their hands. I was really bad about wiping the table down at the restaurant, though. This grossed my sister out in a major way. They are pretty healthy so I guess I am doing OK. They are also thumbsuckers, so I try to get them to wash their hands as much as possible.

4.I have read plenty of books, but I think I use a pretty good mix of the two. Sometimes, you have to do what you feel is right and not what the books say b/c it all depends on the child. I did LOVE Babywise though and just modified it to meet our needs.

5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one? I get stressed out a lot b/c Satan's number one way to get to me is by making me feel guilty for everything. But, I think overall, Billy and I are very laid back. Someone told me before I had my first that God has their days numbered, so entrusting them to Him is the wisest thing you can do. I agree with that and feel like it helped us to not be so stressed out when she was a newborn, or when they are not with us. We have been blessed with 2 very laid back babies!!

6. Did any of the first 5 change after your first child?

7. If you could use one word to describe the first 3 months, what would it be? CRAZY!! I don't really remember the first 6 weeks b/c of the lack of sleep, but once they were sleeping through the night, I knew we were gonna be alright!

Karlye said...

1. I kept an extremely strick feeding schedule! One that they started in the hospital since he was bottlefed and stayed in the nursery. He ate every 4 hours.

2. He is 13 months and has only been in the nursery twice! I like him to go with me to church to learn to be quiet and sit there. He does really well. Only have to take him out towards the end every once in a while. He is quiet!

3. I did not let people hold him really at all. I am just beginning to really let people at church hold him. Not necessarily because of germs, more so because I want to hold him! I am a baby hog! I was always the one who wanted to hold everyone else's baby all the time, so why would I give up my own to let someone else hold him??!! I did not boil pacifiers. He quit taking one around 4 months though.

4. I go by my own instincts. I have not read any parenting book.

5. I was extremely laid back. I was never nervous or scared about having a child. It came very naturally.

7. EASY! (Honestly! It hasn't really changed me or my husband. Ryder has just fit perfectly into our routine! He did not throw us for a loop when he arrived!)

mom2caden said...

1. I think I'm somewhere in the middle of this one, I definately fed when he was hungry, but still tried to keep it around the 2-4 hour mark. Especially at bed time, I like my sleep, so I tried to make sure he was fed at bedtime to keep him asleep longer.

2. At home, I wanted him in a bassinet by my bed so badly, but he absolutely would not sleep in it. He wouldn't even sleep for an hour at a time, so at 3 weeks (and serious lack of sleep later), we put him in his crib in his own room (right across the hall, like I could lay in my bed and see his crib) and he slept 5-6 hours the first night. I, on the other hand, cried all night. But we adjusted. At church, I couldn't leave him with "strangers" (of course I knew them, but it wasn't me) til' he was about 22 mths.

3. I would not let anyone in public touch him for like 3 weeks, only family, after they had washed their hands. I always held him wrapped in a blanket covered head to toe(in May, June, and July, I know,crazy) so people couldn't get to him. Yes, I boiled paci's when we first got them, and about once or twice a week.

4. I read several books, I mean a BUNCH of books, on parenting. I took it all in, then tried several things, and came up with my own way of doing things. So, I guess I go by instinct, with a little reinforcement.

5. I kind of hate to say it now, but I was really uptight. I wanted everything done my way, because I thought my way, as his mother, had to be the best for him. I corrected my own mother several times even though she had raised me and I'm sure knew a lot more than me.

6. I only have one child who will be 3 yr old next month, but I'm sure I will be different. I hope I will be different. I can see now that Huggies is not the only appropriated brand of diapers for instance, and germs are not generally deadly. So, we'll see.

7. Overwhelming! (Good and bad) Way better than expected, but way harder at the same time.
(I really like the way "Karen" put it, but it's two words,
Naive Bliss!)

Anonymous said...

1: Both try to be on a schedule but realize their tiny tummies empty fast!
2. 8 to 10 weeks depending on the child and situation.
3.People spewing germs (cough, runny nose, sneezing, or otherwize contageous with a heinous comunacable virus are off limits. Everyone else can was hands and hold to thier hearts content or until my arms have that empty ache. Who boils pacis??? I did run them through the diswasher a few times a week...
4.Read a few but most of those people are militant nuts...
5.Somethings seemed more importatnt to me than others. I'd say I'm pretty laid back - good thing the Lord takes care of babies and fools!
6. Not really - I changed diapers and bottle feeding systems but that was more for cost savings and preference than ideology.
7. The first 3 months EVAPORATES...Too fast.

lauren in TX

Laurin said...

Ang, Now you know you have to tell us your answers...tho I think I know them. I think you know mine too but I'l share anyway...
1. schedule. schedule. schedule. for the most part...
2. um, i think by 6 weeks with S and w/ A, we were a bit crazy in the process of moving...so it was a/b 2 months when we finally got into our house and was not living with ppl.
3. altho i used to be a freak with germs, something happened when I had kids...that all went away and i'm better for it! there's no 5 second rule in our house...it's more like 30 seconds = ).
4. well....hmm...i guess a bit of both. i'm into baby wise philosophies, but more into instincts and the Jesus.
5. no
6. with S: emotional
with A: light-hearted

julie said...

i know you pretty much know what my answers will be, but i thought i would participate anyway!
1. somewhere in the middle. not a super strict schedule, but i wouldnt feed them every hour either.
2. depends on what nursery you are talking about. rooms-they both moved out of our room at about 2 months or a little less. church-i think they were both in there by 4-5 weeks.
3. germs-not a big deal! i think they should be exposed to them to make them tough in the long run! and not particular at all with who held them. well, a total stranger at a restaurant asked and i had to say no, but if i know you its fine!
4. the only book i have read is what to expect when you are pregnant and maybe browsed what to expect the first year. other than that total instinct and advise from others.
5. i would say laid back for sure!
6. i dont really think i changed with the second one. maybe i got even more laid back.
7. dont know that i can describe it in one word! maggie cried the first 2 months of her life. and lily was the most laid back happy baby ever!

KrazyMom said...

1. I stuck to a feeding schedule but not too stict. If she was hungry a little earlier than normal, she was fed.

2. My daughter was in her own room from her first night home from the hospital. She adjusted wonderfully and we all had great nights sleep due to it. As in the Church Nursery, she wasn't in there until just over a year old.

3. I always had them wash their hands first, other than that if they seemed healthy they could hold her. Yes, I always sterilized the pacifier a couple times a week. I also sterilize my daycare children's pacifiers often! Germ city!

4. I go by my own instincts.

5. I was pretty laid back with her, even though she was my first.

6. We are listed to adopt an infant and I think we will pretty much do the same with our next child. It all just seemed to work out well with our daughter.

7. blessed


Lauren said...

1. Do you abide by a strict feeding schedule, or do you believe in a feed on demand philosophy?
My twin girls started in the NICU where they put them on a schedule and I like the schedules because I like to know what to expect. Plus, it helps me to differentiate their cries.

2. At what age do you put your baby in the nursery for the first time?
At 7 months old (this past Sunday), but that is because they were 12 weeks early and we had to be super cautious about germs.

3. What is your philosophy on germs? Can anyone hold the baby? Do pacifiers get boiled?
Hands have to be washed before you hold the baby and even now we are hesitant to let just anyone hold them. Pacifiers get washed (dishwasher or handwash) if they fall on a public floor.

4. Do you adhere to a parenting model that you've researched and read about, or do you go by instincts?

5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one?
We were very uptight as far as them being around other people because it could've meant the difference between life or death, but I'm getting better now.

Jana said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE these questions!!! and I must admit that my answers changed a bit between baby #1 and baby #3. . .

1. feeding scheduled, feeding schedule, feeding schedule!!!

2. nursery @ church - 3 months; MDO - 18 months

3. I tried to keep all my kids close to home when they were really little, and I didn't take them to Wal-Mart or let strangers touch them when they were really little, either. . .but with close friends and family, I was much more forgiving. I did go a bit nutty with the hand sanitizer w/ Olivia - not so much w/ Kate!

4. I pretty much did the Baby Wise thing - eat, awake, sleep - but I also tried to use my mommy instincts. . .

5. I think I was pretty laid back - a big change from my normal ways!

6. yes, some, but not alot.

7. heaven

Adam & Amy Wilson said...

This is so fun, Angie. I wonder why we moms like to share so much about mommy-hood. It's kind of funny, but here I am posting my own reply! :)

1. Do you abide by a strict feeding schedule, or do you believe in a feed on demand philosophy?
-Tend more towards a schedule, but am always willing to fudge if feeding seems to be in order. Would never feed her more than every 2 hrs, though (especially now). I always wait for her cues, would never wake her to eat, but have also refused her "hungry cry" out of certainty that her chubby rolls can hold her over for just a bit longer. That's when we take a walk outside. Otherwise, I'd be a feeding trough.

2. At what age do you put your baby in the nursery for the first time?
- I'm still waiting and Norah will be 4 mos on the 19th. I was thinking I would wait for when she doesn't sleep through the sermon. Right now, it's not really an effort to have her with us.
3. What is your philosophy on germs? Can anyone hold the baby? Do pacifiers get boiled?
-Being a NICU nurse (and seeing how infections can be fatal with babies) you'd think I would be rigid, but apparently not. Seems unwashed hand after unwashed hand held Norah from the moment she arrived home. Honestly, I just felt bad asking people to do it. Stupid, I know. I'm also well aware of the inconsistency between each person's viewpoint on an effective hand wash and the impossibility to maintain/police a clean result between turning off the faucet, drying and touching nothing else before you receive a baby into your hands. Once you work in sterile fields, you tend to ignore any other attempts. If I let myself worry about germs, I'd eventually retreat into a bubble-- they are just absolutely everywhere. Now that is in relation to the public, but when I'm caring for her alone I tend to pull out all the stops. Public-paci-dropage gets a soapy, hot water soak...at-home-paci-dropage gets a frustrated grunt and a wipe on the burp cloth.
4. Do you adhere to a parenting model that you've researched and read about, or do you go by instincts?
-After tons of reading and filling my head with a million and one voices, I'm currently going by instinct.
5. Were you laid back or uptight in regard to all things relating to raising your little one?
-A combo. Some things keep me up @ night and some things spend mere seconds in my brain.

6. Did any of the first 5 change after your first child?
-I'm sure they will.

7. If you could use one word to describe the first 3 months, what would it be?
-HARD! That being said, as I approach 4 mos I can definitely say God graciously carried me through and things are getting better with each day.

dmelen said...

I am a mom to three beautiful little boys, ages 6, 4, and 1 years old. I would like to post your questions on my blog also if that is ok with you. I find them very interesting and think a couple of my readers would too. I would link them back to your blog. Let me know, I will wait to her from you. Thank you...
1. I nursed all three boys so feeding on demand was much easier. Plus I stayed home with them so I was able to. I still feed them on demand (to some degree) at ages 6 and 4. If they are hungry they need to eat, and it teaches them to eat when hungry not out of boredom or emotions (like I do).
2. All three of my boys slept in a bassinet until they were 5 months old and then we put then in the crib in their room. Will my 6 year old that lasted a couple of months and then he was in our bed until just this year. The other two have almost always slept in their beds. We do whatever works to get sleep.
3. I can be a little germaphobe. People germs scare me but dirt and grass, worms and sand don't bother me.
4.We parent on instincts mostly but I research everything and take what I can use from it.
5.I am a really laid back, more so with my first 2. My third I am more uptight and worried. I know that sounds weird, but for some reason I worry a lot about him.
6.I think I learned what works well and what doesn't work, but then everything is so different with each child that I had to change things.
Thank you for these questions. They made me think about myself as a parent.

asplashofsunshine said...

OH wait, me me me... I want to answer too. :)

1. Strict for the first few weeks, then move on to an ideal schedule, but not strict.

2. DAY ONE in the crib. I'd like to think that they became excellent sleepers from 4 weeks because of that decision. I'll just assume that is correct. :)

3. I was cautious of germs, although not in hyper mode. I never had a premie or special needs to consider though.

4. INSTINCTS. I found that books made me nervous and I could not live up to them. I put them down very quickly, and never even opened one for my second child.

5. I am only uptight as the kids are older, 3 and 7. We have always been careful with what they read, watch, wear, etc., although uptight probably isn't the right word. I am not sure what is the right word though.

6. Little changes happened with our first and our second. Overall, care as an infant and until now have paralleled each other.

7. One word. REWARDING and EXHAUSTING. I'm not a girl that can use only one word, so you got two from me. :)

Josh_and_Lee said...

Wow! This has all been so interesting to read. I read a ton of stuff and listened to advice also, but in the end went mostly on instincts and the belief that infants don't know how to do much else except express needs. If he was crying, I assumed it meant he had a legitimate need, even if it was just for the comfort of my arms. I didn't handle the crying it out methods very well because I felt my blood pressure rise and I worried I was going to be the "weaker brother" and stumble in many ways!

Even now I don't let crying persist and he is 9 months old, but I didn't always nurse in response to crying. I just tried to console, and sometimes that did mean nursing.

I still don't put him in the nursery. I just don't want to and I don't really have a philosophical reason. He slept in our room until about 3 months. I was glad when he finally went to the crib. I think he slept better. He didn't sleep a full 12 hours at night until 7-8 months. Naps were not necessarily scheduled, but there was definitely a time frame we were working within and that just sort of fell into place over time.

I am a germaphobe, but have gotten less uptight. I'm like Amy W. though--in public, I am much more thoughtful. I do have an insta-hot though and frequently stick the paci under it for a rinse. I think kids will inevitably get exposed to germs, so I'd rather do what I can to help minimize that exposure. I don't consider myself a laid-back person or a laid-back mom, but I consider myself to have a fairly contented baby. He definitely has his bad days though!! I don't like the terms "easy" baby or "good" baby, but that's a whole other tangent =)

Radar's Mom said...

Shoot! Looks like I missed the deadline... but just because I'm having so much fun with my nearly 4 month old and never get tired of talking about him (from the profound love to the brand of diaper), here goes.

1. I'm way too disorganized to stick to a schedule so I feed on demand. My little guy however seems to eat on a pretty regular schedule, so he's really helped his mom out on this.

2. I take him to Church because he's good and I have a nanny come to the house when I go to work, so no nursery yet.

3. Without being irresponsible (ie, exposing him to those who I know have the flu), he's lived in the germy world from the beginning. I pass him around and at 2 months he made a 4 state trip from Florida to Maine, traveling by air and rented car, staying at various homes and in hotels!

4. I read an awful lot on parenting models before my son was born, and then he was born and my reality couldn't adhere to those models. I take advice from any trusted source that gives it (ie, I bought the swaddle you recommended some months back) and after that, I go on instinct.

5. Laid back... I think...

6. I've only got the one.

7. Fulfillment

Ok, sorry for the late response. I love your blog!


Radar's Mom said...

Oh, if by nursery you meant his own room and crib... um... he sleeps in bed with me and the dog!