Tuesday, February 5, 2008

an update

I know I write pretty often, but I guess a lot of times the posts are devoid of any factual information about how and where we are right now, just two months out from when Poppy was here with us.

I want to start off by saying, if not for Jesus, I don't know where I would be. But I do have Him, and because of that, I can tell you that I am better than I would have ever dreamed. Emotionally, I feel almost completely healed from the pain and hurt inflicted by Poppy's death; something that I would never have dreamt would be possible after such a short time. It is the sweetness of her time with us that floods over me above everything else, and even though some things are still difficult, the raw, gaping wound has been closed. I am happy. Not just filled with joy, but happy, too! Part of me doesn't want to share this because I feel like it isn't right to have healed so quickly, yet the other part of me realizes that pretending to hold onto a grief that is no longer there would be a slap in God's face. So I will admit it without qualification. I am enjoying life, and it is richer now than it has ever been before.

Some have asked how I am doing physically, and I am happy to report that I am just about all back to normal. Even though my incision will require quite a bit longer to heal, it is the internal wound that takes time. On the outside, I feel great. I even was able to play racquetball today after almost a full year without stepping onto the court. I'm not ready for any marathons, or even a 5K for that matter, but for all the normal day to day things, I would never know I had recently ungergone surgery.

Now for the 'where we are' part. Nathan and I got the chance a week ago today to go to the pregnancy crisis center we are adopting through, to have our first official meeting. We were given our application and the paper work, and we dedcided that we wanted to hit the ground running. I set a goal for us to finish our part of the process in two weeks. That may turn out to be a bit ambitious, but so far I feel like we are on track! I have finished the extensive writing portion of the application, including a 10 page questionnaire and 12 page autobiography, and we have completed over half of the original checklist.

If I was going to sum up the adoption process in one word I would say it is thorough. But even though it can be time consuming, it is something I'm very pleased with because it seems only right that the potential families these babies will be placed in be acceptable in every way. But I do think it's funny that I've found myself doing a number of things over the past week that I certainly wouldn't have anticipated. Nathan and I went downtown to get an official statement from the police department announcing we are citizens in good standing, without any prior crimes to our names. Then we went to the local gun range to be electronically finger printed, at which time I found out that there is actually a technique to the process, and it is one I don't posess! I had to try each finger three times, and I definitely got the feeling the girl working the computer was less than impressed with my ability. Ohh well!

We are also providing statements from everything imaginable: our doctor, our bank, our insurance companies, etc. But the crowning jewel of the whole application process is our profile. This is something I am putting together this week, and basically it is a visual picture of our lives that the birthmother is able to flip through before choosing the family for her baby. To me, this more than anything else will portray who and what we are. Words are necessary, but pictures can capture what pen and paper can't. I have kept this project for the last because I feel it is in many ways the most important.

Along with this scrapbook of our lives, I will include a letter to the birthmother. Without doubt, this is the most difficult part of the application process for me. Each time I sit down and try to write, I feel like my words aren't adequate. Knowing that I can say anything to the mother of my future child, but realizing that a letter is inevitably going to fall short in being able to fully express my heart is a difficult place to be. I know I will eventually get something down, but right now I'm stuck. I'm praying that God will give me the words I'm having a hard time finding.

So, in a nutshell, that's where we are. The baby God has for us is on the horizon, and I am enjoying the many things God has brought into my life over the past few months as a result of Poppy. I feel like I don't have a right for things to be going so well, and when I think about it, I know it's because I don't. God gives everything; nothing can be taken for granted. That being said, I am so grateful for where we find ourselves right now!

23 comments:

Amy@Life Breaths Photography said...

Angie,
I'm so glad you shared how you and Nathan are doing and especially the adoption process. I've been thinking about you guys and where things were with that. It warms my heart to hear how well emotionally you are doing as well. Your chains are gone by His amazing grace. My offer for a photo session still stands.

Amy

Anonymous said...

Angie,I too love to read your blog it so lifts us up and we are still praying for the future and we look forward to the Child God has made possible. We are still praying for the whole family.Dude99!

Kenzie Stanfield said...

Angie-

What an encouragement... a huge blessing to me knowing that you are feeling physically well and emotionally on your way to such a beautiful healing. Thank you for mentioning that it's somehow to be okay, to feel thankful and blessed even after such a short time... it IS truly from the Lord, it is His gift. Thank you for the reminder.

I am so happy to know about the updates on this adoption road... He is truly taking you to an awesome place and I am so thankful to watch it first-hand. Your child will be so incredibly blessed, as is Marianna and Poppy, for having you both as parents.

So much love and continued prayers,
Kenzie

Laurie said...

Angie,

I am so happy for you and the healing that has taken place, for the "raw, gaping wound" that is closed. I thank God for this, He is so good. I am so excited for you in your adoption process, go Angie and Nathan!! I will be praying for you in the completion of your scrapbook, pictures, and letter to the mother. I know it will be perfect, as this blog is. It is great to hear that you are feeling so good physically too. This is such a great report of where you are right now, and I am so thankful for you and Nathan and Marianna. I love you guys and continue to pray for your cup to overflow in His goodness.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Jen in Al said...

So many answered prayers!!!! what a blessing! i am praising God with you over your physical and emotional healing that is taking place! thank you for your honesty about your journey. God is using your family to touch so many! continuing to pray for your family and for the adoption process AND for the baby God has already chosen for you! Blessings, jen in al

Anonymous said...

That is wonderful to hear how well you are doing. As much as it is a gift from the Lord, to have him, you have also chosen JOY.
What a blessing you have been to so many of us!
Praying for your beautiful family as you go through this time, with the adoption. So excited for you , and the baby.

megan

Jesse's girl said...

What a great update! We can hear your happiness in your words! I'm so thankful that God is healing you, physically and emotionally, in such a beautiful way. Thank you for continuing to share.

Annie- Nashville- TN said...

I"m so glad that you are doing so well. You have been in my prayers constantly. I think it's fantastic that you can look back and see just how far GOD brought you through Poppy. She touched many lives! Bless you and Nathan as you go through the adoption process! You will continue to be in my prayers!

So Blessed said...

Joy cometh in the morning...
and while none of us know when
"that" morning will come, we know with all assuredness that it will come...because our Lord says it will. We can trust that His word is true. I am so thankful that your heart has been filled with joy in your healing process so soon after losing Poppy. It blesses me to read of how well you are doing...praise God!

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Dear Angie,
You are a breath of fresh air. I love reading where you are - and I get excited about your adoption. I try to imagine where your baby is right now - what wonderful thoughts it brings to me.
Your family is beautiful and I love knowing you.
Love you,
Kim

Just Me said...

I am glad to read you are healing emotionally and physically. It is also great that things are going so well with the adoption process. I will have to say that I did a VERY good job with my fingerprints...they were impressed :o) (I guess maybe it is because I have extra practice...my right pointer finger is my access to supplies and medications at work!). I received word last week that I can start parenting classes whenever it works for me. I am planning to do the 27 hour training in April. I am just taking this one step at a time, and see what happens...

Praying for you as you write your letter and create the scrapbook of your lives. I am sure it will turn out great...your words here always are :o) Also, prayers for the birth mother...wherever she is and whatever choices she is having to make right now.

Take care.
~Amanda

Shane and Devin said...

Angie,

Thank you for the encouragement, once again. Your words are always so uplifting, and it is wonderful to see what an amazing place you are in. Focusing on the Joy.....what an incredible testimony. Praise the Lord for his physical AND emotional heaing in your life!

Devin in Illinois
p.s. Your writing is always so eloquent--I am sure that whatever words you choose in the letter to the birthmother of your baby will be just perfect!

milehighmom said...

I am so thrilled to hear that you are doing so well! Grief is a journey that is unique to you, so where you are now is just where you are meant to be. You have been a blessing and an encouragement to me as I continue to check in on you and your journey. I will continue to pray for you and your adoption jouney.

Anonymous said...

From the moment I found your blog, I have been reminded of who God is. Your love, joy, and faith is a true example of our Father. I know that times can be rough, but in the end your heart shines. I have been praying and will continue to pray for you. So many of my friends have adopted ~ there is a lot that goes into it. Keep us updated when you can!

Vivi said...

It is obvious that dear Poppy Joy has left much joy behind for her family! God is so good. "They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep." --Psalm 107:23, 24. God has indeed brought you to "the deep," and I know you would testify that you HAVE seen his wonders. All glory to Him! You are a blessing.

Kathy said...

You MOST CERTAINLY have a right to feel the way you're feeling. I Praise God you are doing so well. It is evidence of God's amazing grace to you. It's a great encouragement to me, because I did not do well after I lost my daughter. I hope all goes well with the adoption process, and you are soon holding a little one in your arms again...

Love, Kathy

Laurie said...

I think about and pray for you often. You are AMAZING people whom God is using in tremendous ways.

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

I want you to know that several times in the last two weeks, Kailey has come home with a a note to Chris and I and a drawing of stars, each with their name and Poppy Joy is always there, she is always one of them. She will forever be in all our hearts.
Loving and praying for you,
Kim

Jaclyn said...

I am so glad you wrote this...I think about you, Boothe, Kenzie and Yvette everyday and wonder how you are doing. God is so good and I am so thankful he has carried you through the impossible. I am praying for you as you are going through the adoption process. I can't wait to hear about your new baby!!!

The Adoption Of William said...

Yeah ADOPTION!!! I feel blessed to have read your blog. Your strengrh is just awesome. To trust in the Lord's goodness so fully.....he heals the pain. I want to wish you luck in your adoption process. I think you will find that you are matched VERY soon. You guys are a wonderful family with an obvious great deal of love to give a special little one.

With love,

William's Mom

Anonymous said...

Angie, I have been reading your blog and praying for you for months. We adopted 9 years ago and one of the things I thought was helpful was to read other's profiles to get a feel for what people included. I then had several people sort of proofread/edit for me. It was very helpful and our profile was chosed very quickly - obviously our little girl was planned for all eternity to be a part of our family- but the agency felt that our profile was effective. All that to say, if you would like me to send you a copy of it, just let me know at lesigel@comcast.net

In His Grace, Laurie Sigel

Shan said...

hi~you guys have been in my prayers the last few months and i'm so glad that you are doing so well. thank you Jesus. i just wanted to let you know about some friends of ours that have an awesome adoption story. if you want to check it out, go here:http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?page_id=3784
and if that link doesn't work, just go to: www.ragamuffinsoul.com & click on "our adoption" up near the top left of the screen. there are a few videos and it takes some time to watch them all, but once you watch one, you're addicted! :)
enjoy 'em~shannon

boltefamily said...

Angie,

I just wanted to say that I just watched Poppy's video and it is amazing. I am on a similar yet different journey now myself and it is comforting to know how God s healing so many hearts! Thanks for sharing!

Kristy