Sunday, November 25, 2007

10 days and counting

I feel like the countdown is definitely on. We have ten days left before we walk through the doors of the hospital without having any idea whether we will ever walk out those same doors with our little girl. The unknown is daunting, even overwhelming, yet as I consider that the moment when I will be able to hold Poppy is almost close enough to touch, I am excited. When we learned the news back in July, I had no idea if we would ever make it to this point. But here we are, right on the brink of finding out what the reality of Trisomy 18 is going to look like in our life. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t scared, but somehow, at the same time I know that I am not living in fear. I have wanted to get here desperately, just to be able to see her, and hold her, and share her as long as God gives her to us, and I am so grateful to have been brought this far.

The remaining days already look as though they will fly by at a whirlwind pace. I was remarking to Nathan this morning that the only evening we have at home without any other obligations is tomorrow. A sense of unreality surrounds me as I consider that the last “normal” uneventful night as just the three of us will be over by the time Tuesday rolls around. I realize that it is overwhelmingly likely that it will be just the three of us again at some point in the future, but even then it will be different. Even if Poppy is not physically with us in the weeks, months, and years to come, I know she is going to leave an imprint on us that will never allow us to go back to the days before she was born.

All of this settles in more firmly with each passing day. The light-heartedness I have felt so often over the past months is being replaced with a heaviness that stems from the awareness of what is to come. It is not oppressive, but it is a real, almost tangible feeling. The tears that have come so inconsistently in the past are now at hand often. This morning in church was just one of those times as I found myself crying at different moments throughout the worship service, not out of bitterness or despair, but from the depth of what these words mean to me right now. The most poignant of all the words I sung from my heart this morning come from the song “In Christ Alone.” I love the entire song, but today this verse in particular spoke the words of my heart more eloquently than I could on my own. It says

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.


Thank you for praying for us this week. I go in for my last doctor’s appointment and ultrasound on Thursday, and barring anything unexpected, we will go in the following Thursday for the delivery. We know we don't walk these final days with our own strength, so thank you for asking God on our behalf to provide us with what we need to make it through.

25 comments:

Laurie said...

Hi Angie and Nathan, You will continue to be in my prayers these last ten days even more than you have been in the past months. I look forward with you in being able to look at this little miracle and touch her and memorize everything about her. I am praying for His peace to surround your delivery and for your joy to overflow. I know this time is uncertain for you Angie, but I ask Him to not let anything steal your joy and peace in the days ahead. Poppy Joy is fearfully and wonderfully made by the author of perfection. He will bring the four of you into a new love like you have never known before. I love you guys and you have my heart in prayer.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

David Rogers said...

Angie & Nathan,

We are so blessed by both of you, and the testimony of God's grace in your lives. You are in our hearts and prayers.

Thank you for writing and being transparent, giving us a glimpse of how God is working in you.

We love you.

David, Kelly, Jonathan & Stephen

Rebecca said...

Nathan and Angie,

I have been thinking of you often and will be praying for you.

Rebecca

Melody said...

Dearest Angie & Nathan,

Clay and I continue to think and pray for you often. I am so sad that we are not able to be there with you during these last few days but you are definately weighing heavy on our hearts and we will continue to lift you and sweet Poppy up to our most Heavenly Father. I pray that He will surround you with a peace that surpasses all understanding and that you are able to feel His almighty arms surrounding each of you as you go through these next couple weeks. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to let us know.

In His Love,
Melody and Clay Burchett

So Blessed said...

I will be praying for all of you...that our precious Father will surround you with love and support, fill you with His peace, and uphold you with His strength.

Jena Baker said...

Angie--I will continue to pray for you, Nathan, Marianna, and especially Poppy. My prayer for you is that our Great God will give you time with precious Poppy. Have a good week and let me know if I can do anything to help in any way.
Jena Baker

Amy said...

still praying....

Jeanne said...

I have been so blessed that we all have had the opportunity to read your thoughts. Thank you for letting us all in. We love you so much. We will all be much in prayer.

Emily said...

Storming the gates of Heaven for you and asking God to bring sweet Christmas miracles in whatever form He sees fit....

Kenzie Stanfield said...

Angie-

On our knees for you guys at this uncertain, yet exciting time... Our prayers of protection, peace, joy and comfort in this time.

Love through Him,
Kenzie

Jessica said...

Still praying for you all. I love you!

In Christ,
Jessica

Amy Buchanan said...

Angie,
Wish I could be there for the prayer night, but know I will be praying for you and Nathan. Most importantly that God would give you peace and joy. And, of course, that Poppy gets to come home so we can take some wonderful pictures!

Amy

Karen said...

I will be praying...

Devin said...

Enjoy your quiet night. I will be thinking and praying for you all.

Kim said...

Praying with you...

Anonymous said...

Continuing to pray for you and your family.

PeaceLoveHappiness said...

Our family is lifting yours up in prayer daily. To see God show himself through you and work in your lives is a certain inspiration during an uncertain time. Bless you and may peace surround you.

The Clarks in OR

kingfamily said...

Praying for you guys! I pray that you continue to find strenght in Jesus, especially during these next ten days. God is so good, Hw will hold you tight.
Brandi in PA

Jared, Kristin, Deanna, and Avery Edwards said...

We check your blog regularly. Know that we are praying for you.

Jared and Kristin Edwards

Emme said...

i am looking forward to holding Poppy and welcoming her into our family. What an added blessing she will be! You and Nathan are living testimonies of God's grace and faithfulness. I love you all so very much.

Anonymous said...

I'm not even sure how I found your site, but I've been reading your blog over the past few months and have been touched by your lives. I pray that this season of your life will hold precious moments that you will cherish forever. Please know that my prayers are with you and I pray that the Lord's comforting hand will cover you like you've never felt before.
In Him,
Bethany in Alabama

Given Grace said...

May Our Father be your strength and may you know that we are praying for you!

Denise & Jeff said...

We continue to pray for your family knowing that God will see you through every unknown that is ahead. We pray that you would know today that God is your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we pray you will continue to not walk in fear even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling (and it will probably seem like similar events are happening). We pray you will be reminded that there is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High (How great it is to know He has come to live inside us). We pray you will be comforted by His presence like never before because He is with you. (Psalm 46:1-4,7)
Love and prayers,
Denise & Jeff

Jessica said...

I am still playing for you- I will not be able to come by for your day of prayer, but I am going to take some extra time to pray for you that day!

doyal said...

Thank you for sharing with everyone the Lord's faithfulness in being a "refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble." His comfort has and will help you to comfort others in their time of difficulty. You are in my thoughts and prayers.